Pass the Xanax!

Look, I'm getting better! Its the second post during may, meaning, it's not even a month between posts. Yay!

Anyways, I haven't been really in the mood of writing. It's been an awful few weeks. I'm going through what I call an Internal-Medicine-burnout-panic-attack-fiasco. All those sick people are getting on my nerves, and all the studying, and the pressure of passing my damn exam are just too much for my already borderline collapsing mind. I'm seriously as close to a panic attack as ever, and let me tell you, I've been like this before and its not pretty. I start messing my sleeping schedules. Waking up at 3am, taking a nap during my 11am lecture, sleeping from 11pm to 4pm the next day (It happened once, really), waking every couple of hours afraid I'll sleep through my class or clinical activities. Arghhh its so exhausting! Besides, all this weird sleeping is not even good sleeping, I don't feel rested even after several hours of sleep. It's like this anxiety is keeping me stressed out even while asleep. I hate it!

This week I left the comfort of my 5 star Hospital and changed to a much more rustic environment, to put is nicely. I've started my month-long Internal Medicine rotation in a public hospital. This hospital is kind of like the top of the public health system, all the referrals from peripheral clinics end up here. It's pretty much the last resource. My impressions so far, well I know I've probably said this before, but this last week has made me reinforce my opinion that most adult patients are just gross. Seriously, all of you grown ups out there, you can be really really gross, watch out! Adult patients in the IM department are all the diabetics, hypertense, renal and infectious patients that, no offence, are mostly just hopeless. You get your typical diabetics with non-healing ulcers and weird and disturbing infections. Yes Fournier men, I'm DIRECTLY refering to you! There is also a whole bunch of geriatric patients, those sad really really old ladies and men with no teeth and who can barely talk and basically just make sad little moaning sounds, so thin you can see each and everyone of their ribs and with gigantic bedsores in their backs and butts and heels, so deep you can see right though the bones. Or the occasional homeless guy with gigantic, brownish curling toenails and fungus growing from all conceivable crevices. There's also the isolated rooms, filled with TB patients with greenish fluorescent phlegm, who with every cough seem to cough out their lungs (along with tons and tons of mycobacterium). Oh, and did I mention it's about 40 fucking degrees and there is no AC? So you can imagine the smell, actually I don’t think you do. Really no amount of warning Pre-MedSchool can prepare you for this kind of shit. So judge all you want, I still maintain it, adults are gross.

Enough venting. I have to go get some sleep. By the way, why am I writing this post at 4am?? (my time, not blogger time) It's not because I've been up studying till now. I actually went to bed at about 12am, but woke up with a start a while ago panicking thinking it was 3:00 in the fucking PM and I've had overslept through my lecture and was running so late for the ER. Seriously, I'm one midnight-wake-up away from running to the drugstore and getting myself some Xanax.

PS: self reminder- write about my noisy neighbors and my sister's graduation.