Look, I'm getting better! Its the second post during may, meaning, it's not even a month between posts. Yay!
Anyways, I haven't been really in the mood of writing. It's been an awful few weeks. I'm going through what I call an Internal-Medicine-burnout-panic-attack-fiasco. All those sick people are getting on my nerves, and all the studying, and the pressure of passing my damn exam are just too much for my already borderline collapsing mind. I'm seriously as close to a panic attack as ever, and let me tell you, I've been like this before and its not pretty. I start messing my sleeping schedules. Waking up at 3am, taking a nap during my 11am lecture, sleeping from 11pm to 4pm the next day (It happened once, really), waking every couple of hours afraid I'll sleep through my class or clinical activities. Arghhh its so exhausting! Besides, all this weird sleeping is not even good sleeping, I don't feel rested even after several hours of sleep. It's like this anxiety is keeping me stressed out even while asleep. I hate it!
This week I left the comfort of my 5 star Hospital and changed to a much more rustic environment, to put is nicely. I've started my month-long Internal Medicine rotation in a public hospital. This hospital is kind of like the top of the public health system, all the referrals from peripheral clinics end up here. It's pretty much the last resource. My impressions so far, well I know I've probably said this before, but this last week has made me reinforce my opinion that most adult patients are just gross. Seriously, all of you grown ups out there, you can be really really gross, watch out! Adult patients in the IM department are all the diabetics, hypertense, renal and infectious patients that, no offence, are mostly just hopeless. You get your typical diabetics with non-healing ulcers and weird and disturbing infections. Yes Fournier men, I'm DIRECTLY refering to you! There is also a whole bunch of geriatric patients, those sad really really old ladies and men with no teeth and who can barely talk and basically just make sad little moaning sounds, so thin you can see each and everyone of their ribs and with gigantic bedsores in their backs and butts and heels, so deep you can see right though the bones. Or the occasional homeless guy with gigantic, brownish curling toenails and fungus growing from all conceivable crevices. There's also the isolated rooms, filled with TB patients with greenish fluorescent phlegm, who with every cough seem to cough out their lungs (along with tons and tons of mycobacterium). Oh, and did I mention it's about 40 fucking degrees and there is no AC? So you can imagine the smell, actually I don’t think you do. Really no amount of warning Pre-MedSchool can prepare you for this kind of shit. So judge all you want, I still maintain it, adults are gross.
Enough venting. I have to go get some sleep. By the way, why am I writing this post at 4am?? (my time, not blogger time) It's not because I've been up studying till now. I actually went to bed at about 12am, but woke up with a start a while ago panicking thinking it was 3:00 in the fucking PM and I've had overslept through my lecture and was running so late for the ER. Seriously, I'm one midnight-wake-up away from running to the drugstore and getting myself some Xanax.
PS: self reminder- write about my noisy neighbors and my sister's graduation.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
long absence
Hi there internet! I'm still here ... I know I've been absent for what? almost month! Jeez! Time goes by real fast when you're procrastinating a post... You know, I could make up a hundred different excuses for me not posting, but heck, whose got that kind of time. Besides, I can see you did just fine without me, so why bother with lame stories which will basically consist on me playing the busy and overworked Medstudent card?
The worst part of going so long without posting is that so much has happed that I don't really know where to start, also there's this thing where I forget most of what happens and specially the order in which the little stuff I do manage to remember happened. So, I'll just begin with my Mama's visit.
Last week, -Hmmm... or was it the week before that? I'm not sure... well, at some point during my month's absence- my mother came visiting. I loved it. I was so nice to have someone around to take care of me. I really needed to be pampered, and she brought food! Yay! However, since life apparently is a bitch, something bad also happened during her visit. My car broke down... it was something about her transmission, suspension or whatnot. The thing is, my mother had to take care of it, and take her to the mechanic and all that lousy crapp cars make you do when they get messed up like mine did. Poor mother. One of the reasons I wanted her to come was so she could have some time to rest and catch up on her reading and studying. But instead she had to deal with this. Anyways, I really thank her for doing it, because I cannot imagine having done it myself. So at the end I saw only very little of her, but I hope she'll come again in June or July. It was so sad taking her to the airport, I really miss her. I mean, I miss all my family, my dad, my brother and my sisters, but my mama is the one I miss the most. I really like talking to her, and I know she likes talking to me too. You see, she's a doctor too, but until recently she was a stay-home mother. So I feel like right know that she's working again, she is very excited that I'm studying Medicine, and that she gets to study it at the same time as me. She loves telling me about her patients. It's like this thing that she can only share with me. It's nice to have that.
Well, so that happened. What else? Mmm... I'm still hating Internal Medicine. Well, maybe even more now that a friend of mine is my resident. So the first month of the rotation, my R1 was a former student of my school. A really easy-going guy, who coincidentally happens to be dating one of my friends. I really like him, and being on call with him and the rest of my team was kinda fun. But now, my R1 is a friend of mine that used to be my "teacher" during 1st year Medschool. I really like him, and he is a very good friend of mine, but he has made me come to realize why friendship and work should not be mixed. Grrrrr! I don't know what it is, but he is driving me crazy, and I know I'm driving him crazy too. Besides, that whole internist Vs. surgeons rivalry is real, not just on Scrubs. So he's always complaining that I hang too much with them. Arghh! Anyways, I'm going to not talk about this anymore.
What else? Mmm... see, that's why I hate going so long without posting. I have completely forgotten everything that has happened this past month. I hate my lack of short term memory. I cannot even remember what I ate yesterday. I have to start doing sudoku or something to wake up all my sleeping neurons.
Well, if I remember anything else I'll post it. Because I know you must be all, what? a month without a post and all she could come up is her car dying, her mom visiting and her life becoming a Scrubs episode?
The worst part of going so long without posting is that so much has happed that I don't really know where to start, also there's this thing where I forget most of what happens and specially the order in which the little stuff I do manage to remember happened. So, I'll just begin with my Mama's visit.
Last week, -Hmmm... or was it the week before that? I'm not sure... well, at some point during my month's absence- my mother came visiting. I loved it. I was so nice to have someone around to take care of me. I really needed to be pampered, and she brought food! Yay! However, since life apparently is a bitch, something bad also happened during her visit. My car broke down... it was something about her transmission, suspension or whatnot. The thing is, my mother had to take care of it, and take her to the mechanic and all that lousy crapp cars make you do when they get messed up like mine did. Poor mother. One of the reasons I wanted her to come was so she could have some time to rest and catch up on her reading and studying. But instead she had to deal with this. Anyways, I really thank her for doing it, because I cannot imagine having done it myself. So at the end I saw only very little of her, but I hope she'll come again in June or July. It was so sad taking her to the airport, I really miss her. I mean, I miss all my family, my dad, my brother and my sisters, but my mama is the one I miss the most. I really like talking to her, and I know she likes talking to me too. You see, she's a doctor too, but until recently she was a stay-home mother. So I feel like right know that she's working again, she is very excited that I'm studying Medicine, and that she gets to study it at the same time as me. She loves telling me about her patients. It's like this thing that she can only share with me. It's nice to have that.
Well, so that happened. What else? Mmm... I'm still hating Internal Medicine. Well, maybe even more now that a friend of mine is my resident. So the first month of the rotation, my R1 was a former student of my school. A really easy-going guy, who coincidentally happens to be dating one of my friends. I really like him, and being on call with him and the rest of my team was kinda fun. But now, my R1 is a friend of mine that used to be my "teacher" during 1st year Medschool. I really like him, and he is a very good friend of mine, but he has made me come to realize why friendship and work should not be mixed. Grrrrr! I don't know what it is, but he is driving me crazy, and I know I'm driving him crazy too. Besides, that whole internist Vs. surgeons rivalry is real, not just on Scrubs. So he's always complaining that I hang too much with them. Arghh! Anyways, I'm going to not talk about this anymore.
What else? Mmm... see, that's why I hate going so long without posting. I have completely forgotten everything that has happened this past month. I hate my lack of short term memory. I cannot even remember what I ate yesterday. I have to start doing sudoku or something to wake up all my sleeping neurons.
Well, if I remember anything else I'll post it. Because I know you must be all, what? a month without a post and all she could come up is her car dying, her mom visiting and her life becoming a Scrubs episode?
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