Pues ya no se que pensar.

Este año ha estado lleno de dudas sobre el rumbo que esta tomando mi vida.

I LOVE medicine, but being a DOCTOR ... not what I expected.

I am seriously considering to take a step back and stop practicing medicine clinically. Since a while ago I've had this idea of doing a Masters Degree and I'm finally starting to look into it. So far all I can say is: its looking good. Seems like a nice personal challenge. Plus, it would mean MORE SCHOOL FOR ME! I didn't realize how much of a school-loving-freak I was until I was out. I miss classes, assignments, tests, deadlines, learning. I miss school. There, I said it. Moving on ...

I expect this hiatus to be temporary only and quoting Professor Dumbledore, it would be "for the greater good". At least MY greater good.

You see, it would allow me to take a break for patients and sort out what kind of doctor I really want to be. All this while gaining an academic degree which I'm sure will not hurt my fluffed up CV nor my toolbox (as my middle school teacher used to say). Did I mention I would be back to school? I've always have had an interest in teaching, so this can help in here too. Also, ever since that Summer Research Program during my 2nd year vacations I developed the firm belief that medicine, and science for what that matters, would be nothing without research and that not being a part of it just doesn't make sense. I don't mean I intent to make my life goal to fuckin cure cancer or anything, but not being involved in research at all just makes me a fake doctor, puts me right next to homeopaths and Reiki-believers. I need to at least fully understand an article when I read it. I need to know what p=0.66 means, or what the fuck is a chi square or a goddamn odds ratio. I don't wanna be a quack. I want to be a real scientists who practices real evidence-based medicine.

Surgery is still about the only thing I truly get the chills for. Yeah, its great when you diagnose an old lady's cancer, or when you correctly treat a patient and literally save their lives or whatever. Yet, the only thing that gets my heart rising is picturing my hand on a scalpel, cutting right down through someone's skin. Man! Can you imagine that shit!

Some people actually think I "over-doing" my training. They say I should just cut the crap and start my ENT residency. They say world doesn't need a nerdy know-it-all earwax remover with a Masters in Science.

Or do they?

We might as well find out.